woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
