sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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