HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
