could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
