There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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