Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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