Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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