I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
