Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
