Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
