she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
