She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
