Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
