I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
