i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
