is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
