she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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