She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
