tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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