You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
