She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
