in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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