I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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