R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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