I hate your face
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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