Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
