Small penises have feelings too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
