hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
