i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
