when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
