I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
