last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
