she was so not down for the gang bang
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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