Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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