She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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