I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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