he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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