I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
