I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
COCAINE IS GR8
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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