i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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