dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
