I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
