Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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