Im at strip club and am horny
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
