His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
