oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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