I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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