she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
