Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
