Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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