Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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