dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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