She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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