The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
