Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
